Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Where have I been? Kidnapped and taken to Mexico, of course. My kidnappers were accompanied by a non-lawyer reporter for Legal Affairs. Read about it here. Remember: Legal Affairs owns you.

Monday, June 28, 2004

Supreme Court decisions: The Supreme Court of the United States has issued several decisions today. I am pleased to report that my predictions were 100% accurate.

Saturday, June 26, 2004

Predictions: The Supreme Court of the United States is slated to issue seven more significant decisions, which you can read about here. I would like to make my predictions public before these decisions come down.

1. Justice David H. Souter will announce the judgment of the Court in Missouri v. Siebert, No. 02-1371, affirming the judgment under review.

2. Justice Clarence Thomas will announce the judgment of the Court in United States v. Patane, No. 02-1183, and the judgment under review will be reversed.

3. Justice Sandra Day O'Connor will announce the judgment of the Court in Hamdi v. Rumsfeld, No. 03-6696, and the judgment under review will be vacated.

4. Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist will deliver the opinion of the Court in Rumsfeld v. Padilla, No. 03-1027, and the judgment under review will be reversed.

5. Justice John Paul Stevens will deliver the opinion of the Court in Rasul v. Bush, No. 03-334, and the judgment under review will be reversed.

You might wonder how I can be so sure about these predictions. Well, let's just say it comes from years of Court watching.

Friday, June 25, 2004

Comings and Goings: How Appalling Congratulates Solicitor General Theodore Olson upon his appointment to the spot of “Second Best Appellate Lawyer” in private practice in the United States. Mr. Olson, as we know, was the last of the “Patriot Act Gang” to find jobs in the private sector in this harsh job market. With few social skills and low grades in property and contracts he was unable to initially woo any of the employers who recruited on campus, including myself. However, after working for a few years in the government, Mr. Olson has learned the “necessary nuts and bolts” to work as either an associate at my firm. Alert readers will note that I reported on the opinions regarding the "presidential detention and eating power" that will be released on Monday elsewhere in the blog.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

True wisdom comes to those who read my posts carefully. As most of you are aware, I reported the result in Beard v. Banks way back on Thursday, May 13, 2004.
Back in Time. As I first posted here, I have an incredible ability to see into the future. Of course, as this post on the Greedy Clerks board shows, my powers of prediction are greatly aided when I can backdate my blog posts to make it appear that they were posted earlier than they actually were. So when I find out the decisions of the Supreme Court at 11:00, I can make my post appear as if I knew them at 10:00.

Update: To show just how great my powers are, you may note that this post was made before I posted today's Supreme Court decisions.

Friday, June 04, 2004

As it turns out, the counter we were using here, which is the same counter I was using on my other blog, was indeed causing popup ads. As you can see, we have changed to a new counter (the new counter allowed us to specify the 10,135 hits that we received before changing).
I work hard for the money. It appears that my former partners at Buchanan Ingersol were right to kick me out on my ear for squandering thousands of dollars of billable time on this collection of links. While I once touted myself as "a highly-paid appellate lawyer," I now admit that "frankly, I'm not being paid that much."

The title of this post brought to you by Pat Benatar.

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

How Appalling helps free innocent man On November 16, 2002, I blogged about Curb Your Enthusiasm. On May 12, 2003, a man was killed. Juan Catalan was charged with the murder. Catalan claimed that it was impossible for him to have killed anyone since he was with his dauther at a Dodgers game during the killing. The police did not believe Catalan's story and thus arrested him.

However, Catalan's attorney realized that Curb Your Enthusiam was filming at Dodgers Stadium the night of the murder. He obtained the tapes, which happily showed his client at Dodgers Stadium. Undoubtedly the attorney thought to subpoena the tapes only after seeing that I blogged about Curb Your Enthusiam. Now you understand why I give up literally thousands of dollars of otherwise billable time at this blog. It is, truly, a pro bono project.

The AP story can be found here.

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