Monday, May 03, 2004

Live reports of waiting on line before oral arguments. An avid read writes in via the internet to say:

Dear Howard,

Your blog is wonderful. Like most of your avid readers I attend oral arguments and appellate arguments of which I am not representing a client. Many times I find myself traveling many miles and waking up a 4:00 in the morning to witness the top-notch appellate litigators do battle. Although I have not seen you actually argue, I am sure that, based on your blog, you are probably “just as good” as Seth Waxman. Perhaps better.

Because your blog is probably the best thing in the world, as a single female I am in need of someone to have casual conversations with and spend long nights by the fire, eat sushi, and discuss the pros and cons of Fed. R. App. P. 33.1 with. Unfortunately, the people who are standing outside the Supreme Court at 4:30 in the morning are all a bunch of creeps. Ditto for the DC Circuit, and I got arrested for solicitation there, despite my claim to be holding a 45 million dollar brief. There is too much construction around the Federal Circuit’s building to have any heart-to-heart conversations with people in the early morning.

While I can’t offer you any play-by-play descriptions of oral arguments, because I was too busy looking at the gallery of hunky accomplished appellate litigators, I can offer you a suggestion on how to make your blog even better.

As you know, on right side of your blog you have a series of links. These links link to a number of other sites – usually other blogs who have not posted numerous things that might be considered offensive to your religion of “Bashism”
One of your links is to “The Onion.” If you were to, say, click on that link, your browser would be teleported to “The Onion” which is a satirical newspaper. However, not only does it offer commentary on, say, Bush, but it also has the picture of an eligible single on a similarly-situated right-hand column. (I say “similarly situated” because the column is also on the right. Neither column includes a link to Greedy Clerks.) Now, if your wonderful blog were to have a section like this, the picture of an eligible and available accomplished appellate litigator would come up, and if one were to click on their picture, a series of “likes,” “dislikes” and “goods” would appear. The person on display would have to also have the responses to the following “fill in the blank” questions. “____ is sexy; ____ is sexier.” Obviously, I would say “Appellate litigation is sexy; Blogging about news reports about appellate litigation is sexier.”

So, can you help me out? I’m desperate. The Greedy Clerks are so mean. I promise, I will do anything. I will show up at the 9th circuit when it sits in Fairbanks, and email you with my immediate impressions.

(name withheld)

She gives me a lot of good ideas. In the short term I am trying to think of a short way for readers to say that they love my blog. Perhaps a quick LTBIWABHDOY (Love the Blog, I want a Bobblehead Doll of You) would be helpful. The other ideas will have to wait.

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